virginia's musings

I’m really in my late-20s now. How do I feel?

I’m really in my late 20s now. I still feel like the young, awkward girl who probably spent a little too much time on the home desktop. The one who re-enacted her favorite scenes from animes with her friends at recess. But now, I am a woman. I’ve been a woman for some time now (at least the past eight years), but entering this new chapter, I am truly looking around and witnessing that I have curated a little life for myself.

At 26, I am recognizing my agency in this journey of life. While you cannot predict how every chess piece will fall into place, you do have the opportunity to orient energy in certain directions, to allow the butterfly effect to do its thing. I am happy to say that I am proud of the steps (especially the scary and uncomfortable ones) past V took to get to this spot. There was a lot of self-doubt, late-night cries into the pillows, and loneliness. I wish I could go back and give every version of V a big hug, remind her that it always works out. Hindsight is a gift only bestowed upon those who stick around long enough, with the courage to see it through.

What do I want out of 26? To continue to be in flow. I am learning that, when I surrender, when I just allow things and myself to be what they are, things move more smoothly. Things emerge more abundantly. While my ego is alive and well (I am teaching her the skill of just observing, without too tightly holding onto titles she thinks she needs to be to deserve love), I am not so arrogant to believe that I can shadowbox the path that god/the universe/the ancestors has illuminated for me. My primary responsibility is to follow the cues, to trust my intuition, to trust my spirit. That’s another goal for 26—to be ever more in tuned with my spirit and heart. To feel things deeply in my body. To allow myself to love myself, others, and the world, fully. Without fear of lack of reciprocity or judgment.

At 26, we’re also going to refrain from casting an eye of judgment on others because, guess what? Every mental persecution is a reflection of the anxieties you hold within yourself, V. Everyone is a mirror. See something weird? Say, “just like me,” and keep it pushing. We’re all connected.

At the time I am completing this writing, my official birth day has come to a close. I feel very satisfied with the activities of the day—I went on multiple micro-walks during the day (I’m finding that I can focus better during the work day when I take breaks and go for a walk), got a smoothie, did lunchtime yoga, dropped some bomb pics on the gram, and had a crazy omakase experience. I love getting all of the love through the phone on my birthday, dozens of kind wishes from my closest loved ones, and even those kind souls that I had the pleasure of meeting just once. I am grateful for it all. I will hold the positivity gifted to me this birthday close to my heart. I will administer these well wishes back to the world in the form of love, kindness, and flow for this 26th year.

This piece was so flow of consciousness, but that’s okay. I’m so used to writing in such a regimented and stiff diction for work that it feels nice to let my Pisces mercury freak flag with this. Until my next blog post.